Writings - Sjef van Oekel
A tribute to the Dutch legend Sjef van Oekel, alias Dolf Brouwers
Has someone ever written a book about him? Maybe but probably not any essentric storylines with his blunt humour
Enjoy,
The Piano
In the heart of Amsterdam, where the air was filled with the essence of eccentricity, Sjef van Oekel strolled into a quaint music store known for its eclectic instruments. The store owner, a somewhat reserved gentleman, looked up as the flamboyant figure entered.
"Hé kerel, I'm in the mood for a piano today!" Sjef declared, eyeing the collection with a glint of excitement. The store owner, recognizing the notorious Sjef van Oekel, nervously gestured towards an elegant piano in the corner.
Sjef, without hesitation, took a seat and began to play a medley that seemed to span centuries. As the last notes lingered, he abruptly stopped and declared, "Dat is van de zotte! This piano is slightly out of tune!" The store owner, taken aback, stammered, "I-I apologize, sir."
Sjef, unfazed, continued, "Nou breekt mijn klomp! But I'll take it anyway. It adds character!" The store owner, grateful for the unexpected sale, quoted the price of 2000 guilders.
Sjef, with a theatrical flourish, handed over a wad of cash. "Ik ben niet van suiker! Here's 10,000 guilders for the piano. Keep the change, kerel!" The store owner, utterly surprised, accepted the money with wide eyes.
Not stopping at the piano, Sjef wandered through the store and spotted a vase that didn't quite align with his eclectic taste. "Dat slaat als een tang op een varken!" he exclaimed before dramatically knocking it off the shelf, sending it crashing to the floor.
The store owner, on the verge of anger, suddenly noticed the pile of money in his hands. Sjef, sensing the tension, grinned and said, "Hé, ik heb haast! Deliver the piano to my favorite cafe, and we'll call it even!" With that, Sjef left the store, leaving behind a bemused store owner and the echo of shattered porcelain.
The NS Train
In the heart of the Dutch countryside, Sjef van Oekel embarked on another one of his whimsical journeys, navigating the winding roads in his infamous "ugly duckling" of a car. The eclectic vehicle, painted in a hodgepodge of colors, rumbled along as Sjef sang along to tunes only he could decipher.
As fate would have it, Sjef's adventure took an unexpected turn when he found himself stuck on a desolate train crossing. The flashing lights and descending barriers seemed like an inconvenience to him rather than a warning. "Ik ben niet voor de poes! Always an adventure," he chuckled, oblivious to the impending arrival of a Dutch NS train.
The train approached, and the onlookers braced for impact, but Sjef, lost in his own world, remained unaware. The inevitable collision occurred, and his "ugly duckling" bore the brunt of the force.
The aftermath left Sjef flung out of his car, nursing a few injuries and aches. The nearby residents, who had witnessed the peculiar incident, rushed out of a nearby house to help. "Sir, are you alright? A train collided with your car!" they exclaimed, a mix of worry and surprise evident on their faces.
Sjef, gathering himself, replied with a touch of anger, "Ja, but I have its license plate! It iz 1-1-2-NS. They should watch out for Sjef van Oekel on the tracks!" His unconventional response left the concerned helpers perplexed.
Despite his injuries, Sjef's irreverent spirit prevailed. The residents assisted him in standing, tending to his wounds with a mix of concern and amusement. Sjef, undeterred, decided to turn the situation into another tale for his repertoire.
As the dust settled, Sjef, now surrounded by the surprised onlookers, exclaimed, "Ik sta paf! Who knew a collision could be so lively? Now, where's my 'ugly duckling'? It needs a bit of dolle boel repair!" With a wink, Sjef continued his journey, leaving the residents with a story that would be retold with incredulity and laughter for years to come.
The Train Stop
As the Dutch NS local train slowed to a halt at a quaint station nestled amidst verdant forests, Sjef van Oekel and his faithful but sarcastic assistant, Evert van der Pik, stepped onto the platform. The air was filled with the scent of pine and anticipation, as Sjef scanned the surroundings with his trademark enthusiasm.
Sjef: "Ah, geweldig, fantastisch, ongelooflijk! Another adventure awaits, Evert!"
Evert, rolling his eyes: "Sure, Sjef, because getting lost in the middle of nowhere is exactly what I had in mind for today."
Undeterred by Evert's sarcasm, Sjef's eyes sparkled with excitement as he spotted a winding path leading into the forest.
Sjef: "Allemachtig prachtig! Look, Evert, a path! It still gets interesting!"
Evert, with a hint of skepticism: "Oh joy, another path to nowhere. What could possibly go wrong?"
With a shrug, Sjef led the way down the path, his colorful attire contrasting with the lush greenery surrounding them. As they walked, Sjef couldn't help but pepper the journey with his trademark comments.
Sjef: "Life is like a forest, Evert! Full of twists and turns, surprises around every corner!"
Evert, grumbling: "Yeah, surprises like getting lost or encountering wild animals, I suppose."
Eventually, the path led them to the familiar sight of the VPRO broadcasting studio, where the vibrant energy of "Van Oekel's Discohoek" awaited.
Sjef, with a flourish: "Here we are, Evert! Another day, another dolle boel adventure! Let's get ready to dazzle our audience with our disco magic!"
Evert, with a resigned sigh: "Right, because nothing screams 'disco magic' like traipsing through the woods and arriving at a broadcasting studio in the middle of nowhere."
With a wink and a chuckle, Sjef van Oekel and Evert van der Pik stepped into the studio, ready to record another unforgettable episode of their iconic show.
Van Oekel's Discohoek
In the buzzing atmosphere of "Van Oekel's Discohoek," where the glitterati of the entertainment world gathered to showcase their vocal talents, Sjef van Oekel held court as the irreverent host. Amidst the glitz and glamour, his loyal administrative assistant and grumbling servant, Evert van der Pik, scurried around trying to fulfill Sjef's demands, albeit with a touch of sarcasm.
As the show's opening sequence rolled, Sjef lounged in his throne-like chair, adorned with sequins and neon lights, while Evert bustled nearby, trying to keep up with Sjef's ever-changing whims.
Sjef: "Evert, quick! Fetch me a glass of champagne, and make it snappy!, after all, we are working for the VPRO * "
Evert, muttering under his breath: "Why do I feel this is a bad idea?" Nevertheless, he scurried off to fulfill Sjef's request, returning with a glass of bubbly just in time for the first act.
Sjef, sipping his drink: "Ah, Evert, my faithful servant! You truly are my life in a nutshell."
Evert rolled his eyes, but with a begrudging smile, knowing that serving Sjef always came with its share of absurdity.
As the evening progressed, Sjef entertained the audience with his trademark wit and charm, while Evert struggled to keep up with the chaos backstage. From fixing malfunctioning microphones to wrangling unruly guests, Evert's sarcastic commentary provided a humorous counterpoint to Sjef's flamboyant antics.
At one point, Sjef decided to join in on a duet with a famous celebrity guest. Evert, attempting to set up the stage for the impromptu performance, muttered, "My life in a nutshell," as he juggled microphone cables and stage lights.
Despite the challenges and occasional mishaps, the show went on, with Sjef and Evert's dynamic duo captivating the audience with their unique blend of chaos and comedy.
Then with the VPRO broadcasting studio buzzing with anticipation, Sjef van Oekel stood at the center stage, his flamboyant attire a testament to the excitement coursing through him. The lights shimmered, the disco ball casting kaleidoscopic patterns across the room, as everything fell into place for the arrival of their surprise guest from Boney M, mister Bobby Farrell! Sjef's infectious energy permeated the air, mingling with the pulsating beats of disco music. With a mischievous grin, Sjef awaited the moment when Bobby Farrell would step onto the stage, ready to ignite the disco inferno and elevate "Van Oekel's Discohoek" to new heights of musical extravagance.
With Bobby Farrell at the helm introduced by Sjef, the stage ignited as he belted out electrifying renditions of "Daddy Cool" and "Rasputin" alongside his band, transporting the audience into a euphoric disco frenzy.
As the final curtain fell and the applause echoed through the studio, Sjef turned to Evert with a grin. "Evert, my dear friend, you may be sarcastic and occasionally clumsy, but you're indispensable to the success of 'Van Oekel's Discohoek!'"
Evert, with a wry smile, replied, "Well, what can I say? It's my life in a nutshell, serving van Oekel." And with that, the unlikely pair shared a laugh, ready to embark on their next adventure together.
Het Cafe/ The Local Hangout
In the bustling city of Amsterdam, where canals wind through historic streets, there lived a character known for his eccentricity and irreverent humor – Sjef van Oekel. On a typical day, Sjef could be found at his favorite hangout, a peculiar cafe where laughter echoed louder than the clinking of glasses.
Sjef, donned in his signature flamboyant outfit, burst into the cafe exclaiming, "Oh, geweldig, fantastisch, ongelooflijk! This place is echt helemaal!" The regulars, accustomed to Sjef's theatrical entrances, erupted in laughter and were busy socializing together with some traditional pub music (kroeg muziek) audible in the background. Some people were dancing on the floor and some streamers were hanging from the ceiling and on the walls.
Sjef looked around in amazement, thought, and said to someone next to him: "Zeg, zou hier een feestje aan de gang zijn?"
As he took a seat, Sjef leaned over to the bartender and declared, "Hé kerel, wat heb ik een geluk! Today is my lucky day!" The bartender, familiar with Sjef's unpredictable antics, replied with a grin, "Dat is 't helemaal, Sjef!"
Sjef, feeling the need for a grand announcement, stood up on his chair and shouted, "Hallo, dames en heren, hier is Sjef van Oekel in geuren en kleuren!" The cafe patrons, caught in the whirlwind of his theatrical introduction, couldn't help but join in the festivities.
Amidst the laughter, a peculiar character entered the scene, claiming to have a plan to revolutionize the city's transportation. Sjef, never one to shy away from a new venture, exclaimed, "Nou breekt mijn klomp! A transportation revolution? Dat is andere koek!"
As the conversation unfolded, Sjef made some more jokes and interjected with his trademark phrases, "Ik ben niet van gisteren! Ik ben helemaal klaar mee!" The atmosphere turned into a mix of chaos and hilarity, and Sjef reveled in the madness, declaring, "Wat een dolle boel! Hier valt geen peil op te trekken!"
Sjef's stage performing continued. From declaring his love for Dutch cuisine with "Dat is van de zotte!" to expressing resilience with "Ik ben niet van suiker!" – Sjef's dialogues soon became the talk of the town.
Some days after this happening, a local journalist decided to interview Sjef to understand the man behind the phrases. In the interview, Sjef, told him how much he liked spontaneity and dropping by people. With a twinkle in his eye, shared, "Ik zeg altijd maar zo: de klok horen luiden, maar niet weten waar de klepel hangt! Pardon my French!"
In the midst of his eccentric monologue, Sjef van Oekel decided to drop some philosophical wisdom into the mix. Striding through the neighborhood with an air of mischief, he declared, "Ik loop vrolijk door het land en laat een spoor van vernieling achter, want zoals Voltaire zei: 'Do your work well and don't look backwards!'"
As Sjef continued talking, the interviewer scratched his head, trying to reconcile with the seemingly profound words he attributed to Voltaire. In Sjef's unique world, even philosophical quotes took on a dolle boel twist.
The city embraced Sjef van Oekel as a symbol of unconventionality, and his phrases echoed through the streets like a chorus of comedic wisdom. And so, in the heart of Amsterdam, Sjef continued to enchant the city with his unique blend of humor, leaving everyone to exclaim, "Allemachtig prachtig! Sjef van Oekel, you're truly fantastisch!"
Written by: Chris van Zuiden, 2024 (c)
* VPRO: a television broadcaster who sent out TV programs of Sjef van Oekel's discohoek in the 70s in the Netherlands.
